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Latest to hit my gmail inbox: http://www.getyourexgirlfriendback.com/

What I am most thankful for

This is about a week late, but I want to leave this thought here.

A few years ago, I had the awesome pleasure of visiting Bali Indonesia during the fall season. It was spectacular. On one of the days I was there, it started raining. A slight drizzle quickly turned into sheets of Godzilla size droplets. The streets were flooded within minutes, so much so that I was forced to seek shelter in a small salon to enjoy my first and last third world mani and pedi. Until that day, I had yet to appreciate that the storm drainage system of Los Angeles is so inconspicuously functional. And for that, I am most thankful.

My friends: the physicist and the urban planner

This fine Saturday morning, I am being entertained by an exchange occurring between two friends on FB. It's too good not to share.

"Hey man, you look really hot in your profile picture. Are you open to dating? I have some friends who want to go out with you. What kind of car do you drive again?"

"There is no way you take the bus in LA. That's only for immigrants and mental patients."

"Remember that time you were listening to the Smiths and then you started crying and I asked you what was wrong and you said you wished you were Mexican? That was cool."

"Remember that time we were driving late at night and you were talking about karate and then you hit a dog and I was going to bury it but you said "No! Wait!" and you put it in a bag and took it home? What ever happened to that dead dog?"

"You're a Duke now? Did you marry a duchess? Pimp."

I thought it would change my life

And who knows, it just might. But, I don't think so.

I bought an iPhone yesterday and now I am officially one of those people who thinks they cannot be away from the world for more than a few nanoseconds. Always connected, always needed, always needing.

In the twelve hours that I have been in possession of my month early birthday present to me, the thing has been emitting strange sounds. This means that I need to read the owner's manual, or pester someone, to program the thing to stop doing this.

Anyone? Please make it stop. Brother James?

Brother James

Growing up, I was rather annoyed by the fact that there never seemed to be enough room in the family station wagon. I have one brother and one sister, and for what seemed like years on end, I was always the one sitting between the two of them. I often thought about how great it might be if my parents had only two children, since two kids to a backseat is much more roomy than three. However, I am the baby of this family and I very well did not want to be the one eliminated from the pack.

Nowadays, we rarely go out in one car. In fact, we may never do it again since my immediate family is slowly expanding and segmenting into sub-families of their own. And even if we were still required to sit in one car, I now wish that my parents had had a minivan full of children. As an adult child, I recognize that more siblings mean more people to share the responsibilities of being a family member. And believe you me, it's not an easy thing being a member of this family.

Over a month ago, I met a tall, white like Jewish egg bread, young electrical engineer named James; he was one of my brother's groomsmen. During the course of two consecutive weekends, the first in Lousiana and the latter in Los Angeles, I noticed that he has a compulsion for thoroughly reading instruction manuals and picks up after himself without being prompted. James also happens to speak Mandarin fluently and understands Chinese cultural nuances.

My immediate and extended family both really like James. He effortlessly integrated into our conversations and activities as if we had known him for decades. So, at one point during the craziness of the wedding, we decided to adopt him as one of our own. And really, I could not be happier about having another sibling. James is the kind of brother you would happily squeeze yourself in the backseat of a regular size sedan for. That is how much sibling perfection he is.

Welcome to the familia, Brother James.

A gourmand's tour of Los Angeles

A friend and I have been planning a gourmand's tour of Los Angeles. When he first proposed this idea to me, I wondered what he meant. He described it as a day's journey which centers around visits to a string of food establishments, most of which require long car rides and are situated in some sort of eyesore strip mall, which feature one or two extraordinarily delicious foods.

His description sounds like a tiny sliver of heaven to me, most probably because I am such a lover of food. No one gets between me and my food.

So, I am looking for suggestions to these sorts of establishments. I really am talking about extraordinary--The Donut Man of donuts, the Luscious Dumplings of beef noodle soup, the Bulgarini of gelato, the Sushi Masu of toro tuna, the Caffe Luxxe of coffee, the Kings Hawaiian of chocolate chiffon cake, the A&J Restaurant of green onion pancake, the Fosselman's of ice cream.

Please help. :-)

Not working for God

DS: i spend 15 hrs a week now telling judges why ppl can't get divorced
ME: why can't they? b/c of the laws? or b/c they shouldn't?
DS: haha yea laws of course dork. i dont work for god
ME: LOL
DS: haha u bring out the best in me

Pillow Talk

BH: I must have slept wrong last night. My knees hurt.
ME: Your knees hurt because you didn't sleep correctly?
BH: Yeah. I could not find my body pillow.
ME: Oh. You slept on your side?
BH. Yes.
ME: Ah. I need to buy a boyfriend pillow.
BH. Aren't they the best? They make you feel safe AND they don't breathe on you.
ME: Ah, yes. That is exactly it.

Let me set the scene

It was Saturday night two weeks ago. I was lying in bed well before midnight since I had decided that seven hours of reading comprehension was enough for any one day, and at that, a Saturday. My mom walked in and handed me the telephone. It was her youngest sister, my chief counsel of large IT firm turned prosecutor aunt. I had not spoken with her in a few months.

She started asking me about how I was doing, how things between my boyfriend and I were, and how the job was going. I told her that I was well, my boyfriend and I had broken up and that the job was a job. We discussed each of these topics a bit more before I started telling her how miserable the LSAT and the idea of law school was making me.

Then, it happened. For the first time in my tween life, an adult, a successful ambitious level headed adult, told me that it is okay to not attend graduate school until I felt good and ready, until I was sure, really really sure. That is basically how this "plan" started to unravel. I consulted two of my committee members and after revealing my thoughts about the entire matter, they conceded that law school was probably not for me.

I have to say, in the past two weeks, I have found myself more and more ridiculously happy. Although its not entirely due to my recent acceptance of the fact that I really have little desire to become an attorney, I am reveling in my happier disposition and new found abundance of free time. In this short time, I have baked a cheesecake, caught three sunsets, visited a museum exhibit, started two new books and watched a live college football game. Not going to law school is great. ;)

Please do not worry about me. I do have a plan. And thankfully, I still have my handful of committee members who are quietly anticipating the perfect moment to unleash their blow torch lighters right underneath my ass.

A rant about lifestyle choices

My whole stance on “heated discussions over lifestyle choices” is that I rather not have them. In fact, I would like it better if in the next year no one over the age of 40 would ask me about my career path or love life. This is because I think there is an overemphasis of these two things in the minds of old people. How come no one ever asks me about the development of my hobbies? Or which books I am currently reading? Or about how I feel about the current state of the economy? All they ever want to know is what I am going to do when I grow up and how things are going between my boyfriend and I. And whatever my response, the result is always the same: unsolicited personally biased advice.

Hugging us closer

Five years in the making (part two)

Cheesecake was my big undertaking this past Thursday. It turned out well, not one for the records, but still good. It took me about four hours of actual hands-on preparation and a grand total of eight hours considering the insanely long bake time. I chose a low fat recipe authored by the people at America's Test Kitchen. The recipe does a good job of not sacrificing taste or texture, but it is quite labor intensive. For this reason, I think it may be another five years before I bake this particular dessert again. As my mom put it, "Honey, maybe you should just go buy a cheesecake next time."

The odd thing about this whole undertaking is that I am not particularly a big fan of this dessert. Over five years ago, I became fascinated with the process after sharing a slice of Carnegie Deli's famous cheesecake while vacationing in New York. It was super rich and super delicious. I enjoyed it so much I thought about having some shipped out to California when I had a craving a few months later. I decided against it since the cost was a bit outrageous. So, a friend of mine gave me a top of the line springform pan and Carnegie Deli's cheesecake recipe for my 21st birthday. Five years later, with a lower fat recipe in hand, I finally closed the book on this one.

Five years in the making

Over five years ago, I decided I wanted to make the perfect chocolate cake. I researched online for what might be THE recipe of all chocolate cake recipes. I then solicited the advice and assistance of my ex-chef friend and went to town. What resulted really was perfection. You can ask any of the people that were there that night. That cake was the stuff of legends. So much so, I have yet to replicate the results.

I am a baking elitist.

Every few months, I become obsessed with the idea of baking a certain item. Last Christmas, it was molasses cookies. This particular recipe necessitated so much prep work that by the end of it all, I was in need of a massage to remove the kink that had formed in my back. The results were worth it.

There are few things I research more diligently than recipes. I comb through reviews. I watch videos of preparation. I basically become obsessed until I reach some sort of self-prescribed near perfection.

Tomorrow night, I embark on one of my baking extravaganzas. I will not say what exactly I am making, only that it is something I have put on the back burner for the past five years. So, come 8 pm anyone within a fork's reach is welcome to sample my latest creation.

I am also accepting suggestions for the subject of my next baked goods adventure. :)

What would the neighbors think?

While writing in my journal about two months ago, I suddenly stopped mid sentence. I realized what I was about to record may strongly offend many whom I love. The possibility was so slight that any of these people would ever read my remarks, yet I decided to censor myself. I was shocked and disheartened by my continued preoccupation with what others might think.

Oh how much growing up Chinese has shaped my thinking.

Lighters on Loan

At least ten different people in the last five days have asked me how my LSAT preparation has been going. Unfortunately, it has not been. The responses I get from hearing this news are incredible. One particular friend who just started law school offered me a lighter to fire up my ass. I nearly inquired as to whether the proposal included the option to have someone chase after me with it in hand.

The LSAT is exactly 30 days away. I am having much difficulty with concentrating. My practice exam scores are not what I want them to be. BUT, as a dear friend once reminded me, "Do or do not. There is no try."

30 days. No blog entries. No cell phone. It is just me and my lucky pencil LSATing 35 minutes at a time.

Ordinary

I have purposely spoken very little about the presidential race that is going on, but I can't hold my tongue any longer.

Every morning since Saturday, I have awoken thinking that maybe today is the day where McCain comes out and says "just kidding, Mitt Romney is really who I have picked."

Sarah Palin? Huh? Wife of a steelworker union member? Former beauty pageant queen? 44 year old mother of five, soon to be grandmother of one? I would like to hear the argument of any person who could sincerely tell me that they believe that McCain would still have picked her if she was a he. And quite honestly, I would pity the fellow.

Who cares if she has a lot in common with the average American? Average should not be what leads this country. How is it that people forget that phenomonal leaders are well, phenomonal?

Personally, extraordinary is what I am after, and Palin is just NOT that.

On names and Italian restaurant patrons

While trying to convince a colleague to accept some paperwork without proposed changes, I quoted Shakespeare's famous line "What's in a name? that which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet." She laughed and said that she would still have to have changes reflected.

This reminded me of a dinner at an Italian restaurant a few months ago where a patron from an adjacent party began reciting Sonnet 116 while we were waiting for our entrees. It was so random, yet so perfect. My dinner date and I applauded when he had finished. It is, after all, one of my favorites among his work.

Shakespeare's Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

A quote from earlier tonight

"People the world over have always been more impressed by the power of our example than by the example of our power." - Bill Clinton

Questions unanswered

Our first night in the South, my family and I opted to have dinner at a highly-rated restaurant located a block away from the hotel. When ordering, I asked the waiter which dessert in the pre fixe menu was less fattening. He looked at me and said something similar to the following. "Ma'am, have you seen the guy who owns this place? He basically ate himself cripple. We use one hundred pounds of butter every day at this place, so I don't think there is an answer to your question." In shock, I opted for the bread pudding and immediately thought of all the exercise it would take to burn off the many MANY calories.

In light of my brother's being newly married

"When I was single, I decided I wouldn't marry a man unless I could be proud if we had a son who turned out exactly like him." - Maggie Mason

Reading that two months ago, made me think and think and think some more.

Early morning pillow talk

me: I had the most disgusting nightmare.
jie: What happened?
me: An ugly married guy that I knew kept asking me to go out with him.
jie: That's not a dream. That is every day at work for me.
me: Oh, that's horrible.

Can a person's favorite color be clear?

Thoughts? Anyone?

On weddings and capitalism

Planning for the upcoming nuptials has made my entire family edgy. My brother, the groom to be and steadfast peacemaker of the bunch, snapped at me Thursday morning even after I told him I was having chest pains. He apologized a day later.

I really do not understand why weddings have become such grandiose events. In any other instance, do people host large gatherings, spending considerable sums of money, to mark the beginning of years of hard work and compromise? Is it really that special to have "found someone?"

I wonder then if the wedding tradition has been entirely over taken by an elaborate marketing scheme designed and refined by the best and brightest of this capitalist society. Rather, perhaps these grand scale celebrations are a result of young women's last stitch efforts to have one final party all about them. Really, the speculation could continue forever. And as with most things, I suppose it is likely a combination of many factors.

A majority of this phenomenon is likely to be driven by a need to keep up (or perhaps even outrun) the Joneses. And capitalism would fail to be capitalistic if companies neglected to fill a demand in the market.

Even so, I am really at my wits end with this process. As much as I would like to sit on my high horse and forever swear off grand celebrations with 350 of my bestest friends, I cannot say with absolute confidence that I too will not fall victim to the sensation. Honestly, I believe I am a bit too cynical and a lot too practical for fairy tale weddings. And maybe, just maybe, this is why there is so many ruffled feathers the week before my brother's tri-city "I Do's."

Bullshit

"Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money." - George Carlin

Stuff

"Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get . . . more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore." - George Carlin

Switching gears

The construction should be finished as of 5 pm today. The remainder of the week will likely be filled with some much needed cleaning.

There still remains numerous details that have yet to be finalized with the Los Angeles reception--cakes to be tasted, floral arrangements to be approved, wedding favors to be designed. It is probably a good thing we are only expecting some 70 people to attend.

For now though, my main objectives for the next ten days are first to tan my legs and second to tone my arms. It is unfortunate that much of the grooming that will ensue prior to next Wednesday will feel like more of a chore than a treat. I always grow resentful before special occasions because it becomes very apparent that it takes much more effort for women to look presentable.

Many people have been inquiring about who I will bring to the reception. I usually tell them that no one has asked to be my escort. I suppose these people forget that I am more Chinese than not, and that bringing a date would definitely mean something. I will admit that there is a man who is dear to my heart, but I fail to feel compelled to share any part of the matter with the other 70 people participating in the celebration.

For now, I am down shifting to fourth, accelerating towards that finish line, all by myself.

Must love sisters

So frustrated by my sister's lack of a significant other, one of her best girlfriends purchased a six month subscription to eHarmony.com on her behalf this past week. My reaction: "Oh my goodness, I am not the only one who feels this way."

Since 2003, when she ended her relationship with her then most awesome-est boyfriend of 2.5 years, my sister has been consistently short-term dating a lieu of guys with one thing in common--bad for her.

EHarmony only deems suitable about 75% of their matching services applicants. Payment alone is not enough. So, I quickly inquired "Have you filled out the surveys? You know, they reject people." She replied "Really? I am already talking to 11 different guys."

So, here it is. My sister, my very beloved sister, is at last acquainting with men who might be good for her. I am most happy.

And since I suppose this blog with its readership of three, one of whom is the aforementioned most awesome-est (ex)boyfriend, is as good a place as any to advertise my own sister, here is my pitch: sister of 5'7" 125 lbs. 27 years-old Chinese American heart-of-gold female attorney seeks male companion for said sister. Must be good to her and for her. Picture for picture.

My name is Chi-Ling and I approve of this message. ;)

overwhelming

A house remodel, job promotion, brother's wedding details, Los Angeles reception and LSAT preparation--all while living out of my car in the past three months.

And now, insomniac nights.

argument against the man

While tackling some logical reasoning questions the other night, I somehow strayed off into consideration of ad hominem tu quoque arguments. One tangent led to many more and I soon found myself applying the concept to hypocritical statements. My mind started spinning.

All of a sudden writing people off was unsound. The implications of this application on my views toward substance usage and child rearing seemed to me refreshing. And then it hit me, what this all might make of my stance on organized religion and its followers' actions.

For a single moment, my world seemed to stop.

last cousin standing

not considering those cousins who are in their late thirties and beyond, all of whom are married with children, i am the only family member of my generation who has yet to attend graduate school.

i graduated from college when i was 21 and even before i turned 22, my aunts and uncles were already speculating when i would be returning for more. to their surprise, they still are. at our family gatherings, i can always hear concerned voices above the clamoring of chopsticks. "what is she doing with her life?" "is she going into law like her brother and sister?" "she's going to go get more education, right?"

lately, the sentiment has been sounding more dismal "she is going to be too old in a few years. you should tell her to just apply anywhere." even my friends are starting to nudge. "time is precious." "the next few years are critical." "what are you waiting for?"

before i finished my first year at UCLA, i promised myself that i would not attend graduate school until i was good and ready. for the past four years, i have been trying to decipher what i want to be when i grow up. to be perfectly honest, i am still not sure. that being the case, i have been feeling more urgency as of late.

i think some of my friends and family are under the notion that i do not like school. WRONG. i love school and it has thus far loved me in return. i just was not ready. after many years of casual consideration, and more recently many months of option weighing, i am rigorously preparing for the LSAT.

even i concede that it is about time that i conform with the masses. it is not easy, after all, to be the last one standing--or perhaps as some would see it, lackadaisically fence-sitting.

on hydraulic lifts

late morning, i went to the house to discuss the painting details with the general contractor. i finally decided on the colors for the various rooms and wanted to make sure that she was clear on which colors were designated for which rooms. i also wanted to point out areas of the walls that i thought needed more sanding.

after ten minutes of debriefing, i was ready to head back to the office. i got in the car, ignited the engine and pressed on the brake pedal. before i could shift the car into reverse, the car started to jolt up and down like a hydraulic elevator. my first instinct was that the car was shaking because it was about to explode. in an attempt to prevent such a thing from happening, i let go of the brake pedal and turned off the engine. but, the shaking just persisted. i was really worried about what the problem might be when one of the laborers came running from the side yard yelling "did you feel that?"

why, yes i did. and apparently, you did too.

i am such an idiot.

my fiftieth post

the title above has a certain "my first pony" feel to it. come to think of it, i never owned a pony doll or an actual pony for that matter. i think i will settle for the posts.

had i opted for a more relevant title, i would have used "nothing in particular."

i will be a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding next month. the bridesmaids' dresses are black. the outfit additionally calls for a black colored shrug, notably the piece of garment my friend refers to as a "boob sweater." can you hear the enthusiasm pouring out of my keyboard?

i returned home this morning after being away for the weekend and noticed that all of the rough plumbing was installed for my bathroom. tears nearly leaked out of my eyes. i am finally seeing the light at the end of this expensive and dusty tunnel. a friend recently asked me for help with the remodel of his new place. my first reaction was "well, we aren't married, so we can't get divorced." that is me being positive about this.

tomorrow marks my first day at work of "managing" more people than the square root of my age doubled. i am scared shitless. people keep telling me that "pressure makes diamonds." and now, i will reply back "yeah, and it also pulverizes."

my schedule has been packed as of late. as it is, i am having difficulty meeting those obligations i had committed to prior to the start of the recent surge of chaos. i am anticipating life to return to some sort of normal early september. perhaps this is just wishful thinking, since i have large milestones set in early october and then again in december. nonetheless, one of my first orders of business for this coming fall will be preparing meatless chili. i realize this sounds insignificant to some of you, but i have been trying to do this for nearly a year. between now and chili day, i will have to decide on the color of my new dutch oven.

last lecture

"And he put his arm around my shoulders and we went for a little walk and he said, Randy, it’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant. Because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life. What a hell of a way to word “you’re being a jerk.” [laughter] Right? He doesn’t say you’re a jerk. He says people are perceiving you this way and he says the downside is it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish."
-Dr. Randy Pausch, Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

karmic economy

People that just give, without cultivating the self-awareness to manage their own interests, aggressively distort the Karmic economy, crash the fair pricing of "help" by flooding the market with too much of it, and encourage other weak beings to just parasitically draw on them instead of cultivating their own inner strength--thus weakening the Karmic economy at large.
- AS

the kind of things people have posted on their office walls

"coffee, chocolate, men. some things are just better rich."

conversation

lady: "will you hold me please?"
me: "sure."
[hold]
lady: "so what time you want to come in for wax?"
me: "is 4:30 okay?"
lady: "yeah. 4:30 okay."

vietnamese ladies are great.

to everyday wake naturally

about two years back, i adopted a friend's single life goal as one of my own: to everyday wake naturally. words alone may not convey my disdain for being abruptly forced into consciousness first thing in the morning. i consider it comparable to a loud blow horn sounding within close proximity of a newborn baby exiting the womb.

yet, as of late, i have been having difficulty living by my own doctrine. in fact, it would be more accurate to say that i have been all together ignoring the notion of alarm free living. i have had all of three "natural" mornings in the last 90 days. it is quite pathetic.

so as i set my alarm tonight, i take a renewed commitment to abuelita living--early to bed, early to rise. and hopefully, just hopefully, i wake tomorrow with enough time to disable that awful alarm patiently waiting to disturb my morning's peace.

the voices in my head

"be the change you wish to see in the world."
"pain is weakness leaving the body."
"do or do not. there is no try."
"that is but a statistical anomaly."
"this too shall pass."
"c'est la vie."

live dangerously

"the secret from harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is: to live dangerously." -friedrich nietzsche

italian yogurt

trader joe's STOPPED carrying my beloved spega yogurt. i knew it might happen one day. i got attached anyways. i am most sad.

nostalgia

earlier today, i was sifting through one of the many boxes that are piled in my living room hoping to find a book that i have been meaning to read. i stopped looking when i came upon an old journal dating back to my third year of college. i opened the back cover, started reading my last entry and spent the next hour or so indulging in my own youthful stories.

i am a bit embarrassed to admit that the primary focus of the latter half of that journal is my first "real" boyfriend. reading back, i cannot but feel that assigning such a title to this young man may be a bit misleading. we dated for all of two months, i do not recall being "in love" with him, and if i remember correctly, we broke up over his love for world of warcraft.

for some reason or the other, my last entry in this particular journal was a long list of the sweetest things this boy had done for me. i wrote it less than two weeks after we had broken up. i am pleased to see that my 20 year old apparently heart broken self could find enough sensibility to recount the happy memories.

below are portions of my old writings, recording some of my sweetest boyfriend memories. the he's are kept purposely anonymous to preserve the privacy of those who may be embarrassed by this would-be public outing of closet romantics.

"i doodle when i am bored and i bore very easily. tulips had just come into season, and so they were a frequent subject of my latest notebook artwork. a week or so after he had commented on one of my floral sketches, i received a photo of three red tulips with a note "tulips for my two lips." later that week, a small potted plant of beautiful red tulips magically appeared outside my front door in the hands of a grinning young man. i never told him that tulips just so happen to be my favorite flowers."

"for the first time in my life, i strained prunes through a mesh sieve in order to test a lower fat chocolate chip cookie recipe. luckily, they turned out well. while i was cleaning the large mess i had made, he walked into the kitchen with a foil heart, constructed from what was used to line the cookie sheets, clothes pinned to his t-shirt. for some particular reason, i was very moved by this. so much so, my joyful expression seemed to make him uneasy. the gesture was sweet and simple, priceless really."

"he gave me a $2 bill folded into two hearts for valentine's day. he explained that years ago, his grandfather had given him a two dollar bill, which he still, to this day, keepsakes in his wallet. he said that $2 bills mean a lot to him for that reason, and he added that he hoped that they may one day mean something between the two of us."

the tulips wilted. i never made those chocolate chip cookies again. and i have no clue where that $2 bill is. in fact, i am happily without a he in my life. but the presence of these memories remind me that love can be grand, and that moments, though ephemeral in nature, can live on forever in our nostalgic minds.

words

adulation: excessive flattery or praise
visceral: prompted by natural tendency or impulse
usurious: greatly exceeding bounds of reason or moderation
loquacious: very talkative
bespoke: custom made
tawdry: gaudy and cheap in nature or appearance
flaneur: an aimless idler

there is no try

i have done six 90 minute sessions of bikram yoga in the last four days in an effort to complete my 30 day challenge. i was ready to give up last tuesday until a friend, a well intentioned ex-boyfriend to be exact, said to me "there is no try."

earlier today, i decided to "do not."

after this morning's class, i spoke to the studio owner about what had to do be done. i seriously contemplated, and even for an hour of two tried to mentally prepare, for the four consecutive days of doubles (two classes in one day) i needed do in order to "successfully" complete the challenge. and then the thought hit me, everything within reason.

in this great month of june, i have battled through a three day spout of the stomach flu, undergone a portion of the most emotionally draining house remodeling process i ever thought possible and decided to revitalize my aspirations for graduate school studies. my bikram yoga 30 day challenge has been most helpful in dealing with the latter two situations. i am most grateful.

i am finishing out the remaining three days of my challenge by attending class once a day. when all is said and done, i will have completed 26 classes in 30 days. and i think that is PRETTY DARN AWESOME.

anyone who is up for seeing me smile throughout my 26th class is welcome to join me at south pasadena bikram yoga at 430 pm. there is no try. ;)

combo pizza

i work within a quarter mile of a costco, which is to say that i work within a quarter mile of unhealthy but very inexpensive and tasty food. i make it a point to leave the office before 11:15 on days i decide i cannot go on without consuming a slice of combo pizza.

when i arrived on the premise earlier today, there were already three lines of 7 patrons each waiting to order. after reviewing the demographic of my three options, i decided to stand in the line consisting entirely of individual male parties. though the other lines consisted of just about the same number of bodies, i reasoned that mothers with children and women in general were more likely to have larger and more complex orders.

think i am sexist? how many men do you know order the hand dipped chocolate covered vanilla ice cream bar to go along with their slice of combo pizza?

this is going to sound odd ...

but apparently i am a yang water scorpion dog.
NO WONDER WHY I AM SO WISHY-WASHY.
it explains so so much.

it is like this

it is like this
PLAIN AND SIMPLE
you are a sharp cat
if you wake up 15 years from now
not at the TOP
of some reasonably respectable (in an invisible hand sense)
field of human endeavour
you will REALLY find it hard to reconcile
because you will see IDIOTS all around you
in positions of power and influence
SIMPLY because they had the humility and courage
to discard myriad choices and bet on one
you should really set up that committee
get rigorous about this
and get serious
and COMPETE
there are enough bad people in this world to make it a rotten place
don't waste your gifts by not even ENTERING the battlefield

day sixteen

since starting the 30 day challenge, i have picked up three new hobbies: water consumption, water leakage and laundry laundry laundry. my google calendar has me looking like i have a life, but really it's just all the yoga. yoga yoga yoga. i suspect i am going a bit loco, but i do feel less stress these days.

the other day, while complaining about the constant soreness that i am experiencing, my guy friend reminds me that "pain is weakness leaving my body." all i had to say to that was "i can hardly raise my arms and that's the best bullshit you could come up with?" these past few days though, during certain postures (e.g. awkward, triangle, camel) when i really feel like my body is about to give way, or yesterday when i nearly broke out in a well of tears, i cling onto this "weakness leaving body" theory and somehow manage to keep my shit together.

more than anything else, i have learned from this challenge that most things are in the mind. the human body has an amazing capacity, but the brain has a lot of hangups. it is true that fear and pain prevent us from over exertion and death, but most of us err on the side of over caution all too often.

so, now equipped with all of these realizations, i am planning to extrapolate this sentiment into the many other areas of my life that need overhauls. and i hope what keeps me diligent and sane during this process is all of the yoga i am planning to integrate into this PAINful awakening.

board of directors

over the weekend, i ate lunch with a friend who has been firmly encouraging me to do something with my life. it was suggested that i appoint a board of directors to oversee my efforts of achieving "this something" goal. if i do decide to move forward with this, here's my preliminary five.

CKP: previous employer and family friend; mid 40s entrepreneur
YCC: cousin and confidante; mid 30s fortune 500 marketing manager
CYS: college roommate; mid 20s graduate student
RCF: friend; mid 30s entrepreneur

all right, apparently i have a vacancy in this theoretical plan. should probably balance out the team with a male in the final spot.

doubles

i decided to sign up for the bikram yoga 30 day challenge in part because i felt like my life had hit a stress level which only a daily dose of yoga could remedy. starting a new job, remodeling a house, and planning a brother's wedding in a span of three months will do that a person.

and because i have been generally crazy busy with life, i have already missed two days of my 30 day run. the 30 day challenge stipulates that one does yoga 30 times in 30 days, although it is meant in the spirit of daily practice.

in order to make up one of my two missed classes last week, i decided to attempt back to back yoga classes this past wednesday. I NEARLY DIED. all right, i concede that near death is a bit of an exaggeration. there were times during the second session i was convinced that i would be better off becoming unconscious. i was not so lucky.

during the final breathing exercise of that day, i felt the bottom of my feet, ankles and calves quickly tighten. i figured i was about five seconds from a severe muscle cramp so i purposely fell out of the posture. shortly after, the whole room was lying in savasana, dead body pose.

the first few days of the challenge, i found myself proactively searching for excuses to be elsewhere. after much encouragement from family, friends, coworkers and instructors, i am happy to say that i have completed six classes in the past five days. i am taking this lovely day off. and maybe, just maybe, i will be up for another double session this sunday morning.

namaste.

"marry me"

now before anyone gets confused about this being any sort of proposition or announcement, "marry me" is but a phrase i am borrowing from a photo of the weekend's pride parade. it is simple. it is bold, perhaps even brash. and it is totally me.

my brother's wedding is set for the end of august. i am looking forward to the multi-city festivities, but dreading the infamous hot and humid southern summers (no pun intended). for those wondering, the ceremony will be held in baton rouge, with a reception in some small town in mississippi, one that is apparently close enough to the louisianian destination. another reception will be held in los angeles for those family and friends who find the west coast a more geographically desirable destination.

my "qing ai de gege" (translation: dearest brother), as i have been referring to him as of late, has graciously offered both my sister and me five guest slots each. i found this endearing, but quite puzzling since i wonder why he would assume that i would have any inclination to submit any of my own friends to a night of awkward chopstick clanging and unpredictable toasts. did i mention they will NOT be serving alcohol?

and then last week, i was overcome with this awesome vision involving my family and the electric slide, choreographed and rehearsed. and although the details are still in the works, i am starting to think that i may just have to hand these invites out to the highest bidders.

can you see it now? my mom, sister and i, all in our qipaos, grapevining left, then right, walking back, rocking forward ...

*bopping shoulder chuckle* oh the hotness!

spoken like a "terribly old" fellow

YOUTH is the only gift god gives ALL of us uniformly;

And it is an ephemeral, fleeting, evanescent, transient gift.
- AS

hopes and dreams

i had an epiphany of sorts today. hopes and dreams. MY hopes and dreams.

i know this probably does not make any sense to anyone else, but i am writing this to remind ME.

day two

yesterday, i finally decided to do something i had first considered about a year ago, the bikram yoga 30 day challenge. i have never before submit my physical and mental strength to this type of deliberate and consistent strain. i wonder if i will make it out in one piece. and i am most curious what my mind and body will resemble at the end of the thirty days.

the internet has been most uncooperative at work the past two days. they identified a virus within the location where i work and have yet to isolate the problem. hence, the entire office's internet has been severely restricted. five minutes of external site access shuts down all web functions for five to ten minutes. these periods of stalemate have made completing job tasks most frustrating, but have done wonders for my hydration levels. i am probably on my eighth 16 ounce cup of water.

i hope my hydration pays off and i don't cramp up today as i did yesterday. i never knew one could develop a muscle cramp just below the chest. but yesterday's bikram class showed me the light. so now i know, yes you can cramp there, and at your calves and at every one of your toes, and at the arch of your foot. worse yet, you can even cramp right at the hip, when you are squatting so low for so long you think any second that particular joint is just going to disassemble itself.

andy and randy

during my cousin andy's wedding ceremony this past saturday, the reverend teased that he was relieved to see that the rings had indeed made it. he cited his brief encounter with randy, the best man, as the reason for his concern. randy gave the audience his infamous "i have no recollection of the time in question" look.

randy is the only guy i know whose idea of a "grilled" cheese sandwich involves microwave usage. he is also the only guy i know who has made an open face "grilled" cheese sandwich using a skillet, cheese side down.

it's obvious, though, after having spent many a hours chatting with the guy, that he means well and really has got my cousin's back. and that's why, every so often, i dearly miss the company of this odd couple.

sleep

i need more of it.

traits

kind
generous
uber-intelligent
communicative
driven
intuitive
strong
athletic
tolerant
well-versed
cultured
talented
beautiful
affectionate
funny.

27 random thoughts

e=mc^2 stands for energy equals mass multiplied by celeritas squared.
an alternate meaning for lousy is "infested with lice."
the seattle public library is everything i thought it would be and more.
i start a new job on the first of may.
as of last wednesday, wooden chess sets are 50% off at brookstone.
$140 is what it cost for me to fly from burbank to SLC and back.
madonna's new album debuts tuesday.
until 2007, the US banned the import of alphonsos for 18 years.
my parents are attending two weddings next month.
the capilano bridge in vancouver was not worth the $20+ entry fee.
my new job will be located in alhambra, three miles from my house.
prince, formerly the artist formerly known as prince, played at coachella.
park city's sales tax is 6.3% for clothing purchases.
my parents are purchasing a residential property in alhambra.
oakley offers asian fit sunglasses.
having lunch with quoc was the highlight of my past work week.
recently, i have been having regular cravings for vegetarian food.
mother's day is may 11.
i want to learn tai chi chuan.
costco currently has a special on one of their foam mattresses.
america's test kitchen is downright awesome.
my brother is getting married this coming august.
founding by joseph ellis will be the next book i start to read.
my parents picked up a 36" range hood in salt lake city this past weekend.
city of hope's underwear affair is taking place on august 2, 2008.
i have not spoken to joel for more than three weeks now.
maytag, whirlpool and jenn-air are owned by the same corporation.

my three dollars

apparently, the state franchise board returned my three dollars of overpaid tax in less than 5 working days.

NOW THAT IS DOWN RIGHT IMPRESSIVE!

whiskey tango foxtrot

that's really the only useful thing i learned while attending my 10 hour OSHA training the past two days.

on a high note, i finally got around to filing my federal and state income taxes. it is a shame that my california return totalled all of $3. i paid $9.95 to e-file too. this whole system blows my brain sometimes.

whiskey tango foxtrot, mate?

lunch money

dollars spent during lunch time the past three work days: $0

with tax day on the horizon, i am adhering to the strict budget i created a few months ago with a renewed sense of urgency. and so, i have a made it a point to have a majority of home brought or company sponsored lunches during the work week.

this phenomenon is actually an exciting one, since i can spend the time i save from food transit to do things that i enjoy, like calculate my federal income taxes or catch up on my journal writing or read one of the many books i attempting to finish.

because it is just too funny not to share

an email thread:

GE: I got it mom. I opened it and it looks beautiful. Thanks.

MA: Have a good time with Summary. can I have one room at your house? What is the answer from Summary?

GE: Mom, Her name is Summer. I talked to her about it, and she's okay with you and dad living with us when you get too old and need help. As long as you guys respect our lifestyles and the way we manage our home. That's all.

MA: I feel better now.

----------

the 'it' my brother speaks of in the first part of the thread is the engagement ring he recently purchased. i am happy for him/them.

something warm please

i do not drink coffee, but i go to starbucks just about everyday. it has become quite the pathetic habit.

i neglected to prepare oatmeal for breakfast this morning. so, right around 10 am, i started to feel hungry. dreading the prospects of yet another day of pre-packaged lunch from starbucks, a quick and convenient choice i have defaulted to for the past consecutive four work days, i began considering the endless options of food i might have. the list runs endless here in LA--japanese curry, korean tofu, chinese dim sum, mexican tamales--thoughts of all of this warm goodness had my mouth watering.

as i am coordinating my lunch plans, a few minutes after 11 am, i am asked to help with a task that delays my fooding for another hour. and because i am just famished by the time i can leave to purchase nourishment, i again walked up the street to the neighboring starbucks i oh so wanted to avoid earlier in the day. turkey avocado club, that's all the hotness i got out of this day's lunch.

enough to change

i am chinese from taiwan.

for many of you who do not follow Taiwanese politics, that statement hardly means anything. but for the few who do, it reveals so much.

that single comment will tell you with 95% confidence that my family is from Northern Taiwan, most likely from the city of Taipei. it discloses part of my family history. but above all else, that single comment announces, without equivocation, my political views and alliances.

saturday, the coming night hours on this side of the Pacific, marks the presidential election in my country of origin. much is on the line, and i cannot but feel that a certain candidate must win. so, tonight as i am unwinding with my usual Friday night routine, i will be wondering, as my parents watch with much anticipation, if enough is really enough.

chan

car: "chan. how'd you get that last name?"

jas: "from my dad. he's cantonese american."

car: "oh really. what is your mom?"

jas: "full blood salvadorian."

car: "wow. how did they meet?"

jas: "at a liquor store."

(much laughter)

car: "really?"

jas: "yep."

car: "i guess they had a common interest."

jas: "my dad owned a liquor store and my mom went there to buy things."

car: "oh really. like milk?"

jas: "honestly, i don't want to know."

math tutoring and self help books

the ads displayed with the email i just read predicts that i am in need of math tutoring and self help books.

if only we could all be as smart as google algorithms.

c wu

mr. cho wu is the straight shooting 63 year old taiwanese man who holds the approval stamp for all payment requests issued by my department. he shares an office with a caucasian man by the name of john hackl, a CPA turned accounting systems administrator extraordinaire. the second time i ever had the pleasure of meeting them, while there were no other people in their office, they urged me to find a "real" job.

thirty minutes ago, i had this exchange with mr. wu.

c wu: you don't need to be a genius from ucla to do this correctly.
c wa: yeah, you could probably teach a monkey to do it.
c wu: you could teach a RETARDED monkey to do it correctly.
c wa: man, that's harsh. i have never heard mention of a retarded monkey.

i started laughing as i was walking out. AND, for the first time ever, john actually waved bye to me as i exited.

took the words right out of my mouth

(Warren Buffet on government intervention plans for the current housing market)

"QUICK: Any of the intervention plans we've seen from the government strike you as being a good idea?

BUFFETT: Well, that -- I haven't seen the details on many of them, but I think it's very hard to start interfering with markets without having a whole lot of unintended consequences."

coffee talk

super: "did you go to coffee talk?"

chi: "no. i don't drink coffee."

looking confounded and frustrated, supervisor walks away. subordinate snickers. five seconds later, supervisor returns to subordinate's cubicle area.

super: "you know it's not about the coffee, right? you should go to these kinds of things."

----------

i really like my new supervisor. i can't understand him half of the time, and he has no idea where i am coming from. but three weeks ago, after months of mild intimidation and minor offenses, i finally figured out that he really does mean well.

arts and crafts

over dinner last night, one of the dinner guests asked me how work has been. after sifting through the many possible responses, i replied saying "like arts and crafts." everyone at the table stared back at me with blank stares.

it would be untrue to say that i have been "arting and crafting" for an entire two weeks. i have, however, spent much of my time at the office creating dividers, organizing binders and scanning plans. i do not mind the work, but if it continues on for too much longer, i may actually decide to find "real" purpose.

tadasana: tree pose

on my best yoga days, while i am in this posture, i literally feel like more life enters my being. it is a feeling i have difficulty conveying. it is simply extraordinary.

more tall, more peaceful, more content, more free.
more breath, more energy and so, MORE CHI.

i do not like bacon

in my recent return to cubicle work life, i have noticed the strangest sensation with the particular office building where i now work. right around 8 am every morning, when the cafe downstairs has been open for about an hour or so, the elevator bay area is overcome with a strong bacon sensation.

unfortunately, i am not a fan of bacon. and it is ironic, considering all of the architects and engineers in this building, that the cafe's kitchen exhaust fan fails to route correctly out of the building.

meanwhile, every morning, continuing into the afternoon, i smell of BACON!

single awareness day

this may surprise some of you, as i have yet to discuss this freely, but today i am celebrating single awareness day (SAD).

i suppose i could be not single and celebrating this holiday. i have perhaps been doing just that for the past five years. this year, though, i am single on SAD.

it's a complicated and lengthy story, one many probably want to know, but i shall reserve the details of my recent breakup for a less public setting.

here is the funny thing about relationships in light of this valentine's day business. i have never received flowers on this particular day of the year. and i have never wanted to. but this year, the absence of flowers serves as a constant reminder that there is no one to NOT receive flowers from.

conversation with my sister

"i got asked out at church today."

"cool."

"uh, not really?"

"why?"

"he's nineteen, and a hawthorne police officer."

"oh. does he know what you do and how old you are?"

"he knew what i did, but not how old i was."

"so, are you going to go out with him?"

"no."

"why not?

"what do i have to say to a nineteen year old?"

"oh, okay. i guess people don't date for fun when they meet at church."

the big three-zero

thirty years ago on this day, my mom and my dad held a wedding reception. i am not sure how or why they were able to make it through thirty years of being together, but i imagine that neither of them regret the time passed.

after prompting from my sister, my dad called my mom as she was about to leave the office. my mom told me the conversation started with him proclaiming "happy marriage." it might just be the first time my dad has ever verbally expressed something of the sort on a wedding anniversary date, or really any date for that matter. i think the gesture was sweet, albeit sad and funny at the same time.

he declared that he wanted to take my mom to eat pho. i gather that not many of you know this about my mother, but she does not like pho. and so, i am not sure why my dad would propose such a thing. he claims ignorance, which i do not doubt. it is, again, a bit sad that he did not know better.

i left them earlier tonight to get away from their bickering. and as i walked out the door, i thought to myself, "maybe marriage doesn't suit some people. maybe it doesn't suit youngest daugthers of people like them."

more money, more money, MORE MO-NEY, more problems?

so, i don't know if it's because i am too young to remember, but i can't recall the last time the Fed cut rates three quarters of a percent in an emergency session. ABUNAI! although my job is in no great danger, a weakened economy is always very unsettling.

it is in these types of financial times that i always wish i had more money saved. as of late, i have been trying to hoard money more. some people might call it "saving money," but there's a zealousness about my recent spending (or rather not spending) that i consider it hoarding money. i've been reading blogs like mymoneyblog.com, and i constantly think about the fact that one dollar saved is like two dollars earned. combine that theory with how much i dislike parts of my job, and it's surprising that i spend any money at all.

i've been waiting for a promotion that i had been promised a few months ago. this is most annoying as i have foregone a few thousand dollars in compensation in the time passed. i can't say i regret turning down the higher salary job offer for my current position, but as the wait drags on, i can't but help thinking about the what-ifs.

there really is no use in thinking. it's done, and i do like this job more than my last. that's gotta be a little bit priceless. hahahaha. and so, i just think to myself that i'll probably always want a little more money. enough is always a zero or two away, eh?

happy everything

i meant to write sooner, and i meant to write more, but intentions don't always translate into results.

to all three of you who read this blog, happy everything. i wish for you and yours bliss and good health throughout the new year.