the thing about happiness ...

"i want to be happy." that's what i told people when they asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up. i would still tell people that, only they don't ask anymore.

i do not mean to sound as if i am unhappy. i have an easy job with decent pay, a stable family life and supportive friends. my boyfriend is just plain fantastic. and despite my sugarholic tendencies, i am in good health. without question, life has been kind to me.

yet, sometimes, i find myself easily frustrated or helpless. the smallest occurrence can disrupt my happiness equilibrium. worse even, there are times when i am just off. i would like to blame it on hormonal imbalance or perhaps even bad weather. but whatever the cause, i am off--no good reason, no one reason, just OFF!

some days, i am perfection, unusually euphoric. most days, i am fine, my yogi serenity intact. then, there are those other days when i am not fine. i am very un-fine, the opposite of fineness. it is on these days i am reminded, undeniably so, that only i can make myself happy. the thing about happiness i realized years ago, is that it's just a state of mind. and last i checked, my mind is all me.